Word to Big Bird.. It has been far too long since we have danced together. Since we are about to enter a brand new decade it is time to get serious about this relationship. Even if it is complete silliness I am going to give you some love every day. ❤
I know everyone is focused on the frenzy that is goin’ down at the end of the week, but to be honest… I’m fast forwarding a bit. I can’t believe 2010 is nearly here. Nine years ago I was a freshman in college; scared of my shadow. Driving a bad ass capital G ghetto ’88 grand-am, making forever friends over pads & deodorant. I was B-town’s best tour guide, I talked too much, I laughed too loud, & Dave Matthews was my jam! I worked at a carpet store, I partied with Jesus, whispered on white phones, & found solace in an 11×14 dorm room. I discovered encouraging & uplifting others meant more to me than any pay check ever could.. I discovered I truly was worth it! Took a few trips, made a few u-turns.. Spied, lied, tried to play it cool. Fell for a preacher, a baller, & a music man. (or 2) Traded the pontiac for a Beetle; traded fear for freedom. Kissed a girl, (& liked it.) made BS-ing look like an Olympic sport, was constantly reminded to dream big cause life is short.
Good news.. I still talk too much, it is impossible for me not to laugh too loud, & Dave Matthews is still my jam! ❤ The rest of it.. needs a little work. I seem to have lost my voice. Forgotten that loving people & using what I’ve been given to help them grow is what really matters. When in the hell did I start taking myself & my life so seriously?!?! I’ve traded the freedom I fought so hard to find, for a maximum security prison. I bought into the lie that other people determine my worth. I’ve allowed people to insult my intelligence, steal my joy, & make me feel like maybe i am nothing but a chubby girl in a chair. Instead of punching.. I have once again become the punching bag!
**Boop, boop, boop, this is a KLF 8 news alert!** Come hell, or high water; it. ends. now. It is time for me to break free from the spin cycle. I do [not] want the next ten years of my life to have the same yo-yoing whiplash pattern these 10 have. As hard as it’s going to be it is time for me to stand up for what I want.. what I believe.. for who I am!! Change starts with me.. not the person next to me. It does me no good to give advice to those I love if i am not practicing what I preach! It is time for me to realize doing nothing is failure! I have spent so much of my life afraid to fail.. afraid to disappoint & as a result I am afraid to try! If we’re being honest that is an even bigger failure than trying with all I am & falling flat on my face!! At least I had the balls to go for it.. which is more than I can say for myself right now! So what if I got my heart broken… at least I know it works. Who cares if my van leaks & makes my hair gray… it has a dance floor in it!! It is time for me to stop being the victim & start being the victor!!!!
I am sure some will read this & think talk is cheap.. true, it is but finding the strength to put the pain, anger, disappointment, & fear into words; setting them free, finding release is the first step toward making the changes which accompany growth. **To get something you’ve never had you must do something you’ve never done.**
I am officially putting 2010 on notice… it is going to be my year! I am starting it with a bang… hangin out with one of my lovelies, some guy named Jonas & his administration. 😉 I am ready to dive head long into a year of adventure. Live music, good friends, crazy dreams, good times, tattoos, & maybe even a text book or 2.. 😛
What do you want 2010 to look like?? What’s holding you back?? Are you being like me & carrying around baggage you should have set down long ago?? As you reflect on the year as well as the decade do yourself a favor… allow the mistakes of the past to remain in your review mirror. Take strides every day to keep history from repeating itself. Appreciate how much you’ve grown, find peace with the fact that everything happens for a reason. Realize the beauty in unanswered prayers, seek peace, find your joy!
Here’s to a year full of dance parties, complete randomness, laughter far out weighing tears, buying cute underwear for for no one but myself, Cubs games, 30th birthday bashes, Dave Matthews & Jonas Brothers road trips, shakin’ what my momma gave me, loving myself for exactly who I am… & realizing we have a say in our happiness. Here’s to making 2010 the year of liven out louder. 😉 ❤
For dreamers everywhere 